on a lighter note....

Life from the past two months. Enjoy.

It all started with Reparations....

Really, though? We had the most ridiculous Pan-Africanism class today. The guest lecturer, a repatriot originally from Arizona, was as old school racist as they get....literally divided us into questioning by the blacks and "oh you people-the white people" and asked about hometowns for the few ambiguous ones. He wanted to know the thoughts of "our" generation, and so instead of teaching like he was paid to do, asked us about what we think about reparations for slavery, materialism, "black issues" like jail and police brutality, and if the Blacks in the room had decided to stay and live in Africa for good. Basically a whole bunch of assumptions rolled up in one. When we replied that our generation doesn't see things so clearly in "black and white" and that there are economic and infrastructure issues that underlie every major "racial" problem, he was honestly suprised. Clearly, there is racism, duh. But you are telling me as a 50-something year old man, your brain is still divided in half, black and white? This was some of the, to quote Tanesha, cooninish shit I've heard in a while. Then after a half hour break he came to the conlusion that, "we are young and don't know the heat of money...and that economics will be the true test of our 'grassroots' efforts." He then badmouthed Barack Obama, saying he's appointed IMF devils into his cabinet, and then asked "you white people" to explain the difference between Ghanaians and American Blacks. And to TOP IT ALL OFF, his friend in the corner turned to Josh and said, "You are Chinese American, no?" Josh said, "No." He then guessed the gamut of Asia before Josh said he was half Korean. To which the friend replied, "Oh, that makes things even more complicated"....

What I've taken away from today's class is that there is so much more to diversity and "issues" than race. There is diversity of thought, socioeconomics, region, religion, gender, sexuality, and AGE. Never before have I seen the generational divide so clear. I am sick of the older generation's conspiracy theories and hardened, bitter attitudes. I understand that they have the life experience to back up their judgements, but today is a new day. And we as a youth have to be the change we want to see in the world, because some of the older people frankly are too jaded.

no quick fix

so im really frustrated. im feeling so many different things right now im feelin angry hostile sad scared vulnerable and annoyed why do i always have to be the foreigner? the obruni? its been two months since im here and im finally in the hostile phase....no matter how long im here they will always call me obruni i will never fit in, i will never belong and its not even like i can just ignore it because they throw it in my face every day, shouting "obruni! obruni!" honking the taxis and staring at me like im some strange creature that landed on their planet.

i don't know what to fucking do with myself. im sick of feeling foreign. I want to feel at home. Ive already gotten accustomed to the culture for the most part, so what in the world am I going to do for the next 7 weeks?

i can do one of several things. i can maintain the relationships i have with the other students here (and the few Ghanaians who i dont want to SLAP right now)....and basically kill time. Time will surely pass and then ill hop my ass on that plane back. but is this really my style? no. i hate wasting time, waiting "things out," and generally feeling like a punk ass.

other option. dig deeper, and think about what REALLY is ticking me off about being here right now. WHY ARE THEY CALLING ME FOREIGNER???? why did i feel like on spring break in cape coast, there was so much HATE and jealously towards me and Faye??? I feel like I am sick of struggling to ignore the gawking, ridiculous overpriced items, and the haters. WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO DO TO BE A PERSON AROUND HERE?? damn.

i think this is making me realize how uncomfortable things can get when i let my guard down. when i want to be taken seriously and not as a joke, when i just want to be a human instead of a token or a prize or a target or a joke. It's like the first two months...ha ha ha yea im a foreigner in your country, ha ha ha funny riteee? now....its time to MOVE ON. what is NEXT? is there a future for me here, can a foreigner truly stay here and feel happy and comfortable? Because I am just getting resentful.

There's one more option. Push past hostility and resentment and channel my feelings into building new relationships and using my last weeks to figure out what more I can get from being here. I know there's more....I just have to figure out if I want to spend the energy trying to get to it.

kumasi

Spintex Road

My world is a little bit bigger. My heart has accepted some new people in. I love Kwame, Alex, Auntie Gina, Frank Asante and his British wife, and Griffin.


This weekend was our home stay. It took a long time on Friday to get there but after three hours we arrived in Spintex. I was trying to figure out the catch behind Griffin and I (two girls) staying with a single man (Frank), but soon found out. He has a British wife that he married less than a year ago. I think her name is Maureen. I will call her Maureen. The first thing Maureen said when we got out the van was, "Oh my goodness, white people!! I've missed you so much!" To this, Griffin points to me and says, "She's not white." Maureen replies, "Oh, well she's not ....Black, either." At this point in my life, I've learned to accept people's ignorance with grace and usually humor, but let's say we still didn't start off on the right foot. So THIS was my real Ghanaian homestay experience? lol.

However, like most of my life so far, I've been proven wrong on my own assumptions. Maureen came here with AFS on a Gap Year two years ago, and she is a delightful (if somewhat frazzled) woman. On Friday night, to begin our "Ghanaian" experience we had English tea and talked about being big ol obrunis in Ghana. Around the dinnertime I clarified my ethnicity and told them our roots come from Rwanda, and Frank then welcomed me to the Motherland. We then watched Norbit to more English tea and biscuits. LOL. God, you LOVE playing jokes on me, don't you? Anyway, their house is very nice.....Maureen runs a creche (daycare) during the week so there was a playground in the front, and very spacious rooms, etc. I could smell a strange dynamic the minute I walked in. Auntie Jina and her sons, Kwame and Alex, were hanging about the background....and I was scared to assume correctly that she was the help for this British woman. Thank God, she wasn't. Auntie Jina helps with the creche during the week. The situation is no less awkward, however. She lives in an unfinished unfurnished skeleton of a house that a Londoner 'lets' her stay in while they are away....while the Asantes live in a wonderfully furnished, beautifully painted house. The extremes are crazy, especially when they live right next door to each other. Anyway, how does one treat such a situation? When I was younger and around such extremes in my own life, I was frustrated and angry at the lack of money that parts of my family had. I wanted revenge on the world....I could see this cynicism and slight embarassment in Kwame. Which made me love him even more. He is such a smart, caring son and there is nothing more frustrating than to see how he cares for his mother and how little she has. Reminds me of me.

So Saturday we woke up early and went to the Spintex market....where a lady assaulted me with her snails. These mofos were huuuuge and slimy and sticking straight out the shells, coming at me. I was NOT happy. She shoved them right in my face as a joke, which everyone except me thought was hilarious. After the market, which would have been nice except for that, we left for Medina to visit a friend of the Asantes.

It took three hours by tro tro to get to Medina (which really should be a 30 minute drive....but thats Ghana). The family was wonderful and totally worth it. We met David and the other family that initially hosted Maureen when she first came to Ghana. I love the family life here. It makes me miss my family, and want my own. The purpose of the event was that Frank's Best friend Reggie was coming to ask the mother's permission to marry her daughter. What I loved about this was that he sat the mother and the brother-in-laws down and formally asked if they would let him in their family. Of course, the formality is a joke and they all have been planning the wedding forever, but I still love that the respect of the family is so valued here. We had a great meal (although Griffin didnt like the fish....lol) and a great time. I love families. It made me think of how I really want to have my wedding the respectable way. A marriage is more than two people combining. It's two families. (Love you Ellis)

This morning, we woke up early and went to church and the International Action Center in Spintex. Aside from the African accents, I could've been in church at home in Harlem. The gospel music is so soothing to me, it makes me think of Mom, family, home, warmth, God, all of the things that I love. The pastor was talking about faith. How we are all stewards of the life, time, talents, possessions, and money that God gives us, and how he rewards those who are firm in their faith. God will entrust riches to those who prove committed to the little he has given them. All life, no matter how large or small, is valuable. This sermon came at a right time, because I have been questioning if my career path is important and if I'm doing this for me or for someone else. Everyday, I feel God telling me that this is what I'm meant to do....I'm meant to use the talents he GAVE me to serve him. If I follow God's word, I can't go wrong. I feel safer with every day that I grow closer to him. On a sidenote, the pastor said some hilariously blunt things like, "For the singles event, make yourself as desirable as possible and come ready to introduce." Also regarding February birthdays, "do not DARE to exit the sanctuary if it is not your month." (for bday cake)....lol.

We came back home from church (got a ride from a random Ghanaian who was parked outside the sign "THOU SHALT NOT PARK" and who wanted to marry us), and helped Maureen prepare lunch. I love cooking!!! We made a spinach and chicken stew, plaintains, and yam. yummmm. with red wine. (btw im addicted to english tea and bread now....) Griffin and I also went to Auntie Jina's house to make fufu. We pounded fufu like pros, j/k. But it was a really cool experience and I have too much respect for Auntie Jina. That woman can handle a knife. Pounding the fufu (which is a mixture of yam and cassaba) was too fun and made me think of the German documentary from J. Collins' class where the guy is stressing how white people have no rhythm and do not know how to incorporate it into their daily lives....lol. Aside from making (and eating) a second meal, we talked with Auntie Jina and her sons Alex, Kwame,and....20 year old? forget his name. Auntie Jina wanted us to send her an invitation to come to the US, but then said that she wouldn't have the money to come anyway. I am beyond being sad about the inequal opportunities within the US versus abroad, but meeting and loving these people with my own eyes just digs it in...I have people to attach to the international phenomenom of poverty and I'm trying to grasp the all too familiar feelings of frustration and righteous anger from my youth. Auntie Jina could be my mother. In fact, she is my mother, just in another part of the world. And she does not have electricity, plumbing, or walls. Her sons live in shame because they fear that we judge them for what they do not have. If they only knew how much I want to give them everything. And I do not have much of anything myself....EXCEPT opportunity. Opportunity is a blessing. I will never fully come to terms with how blessed I am. I might not have all the money I could need or want, but I live in a country where I can fight for the chance to use OTHER people's money and fufill my dreams. How lucky. Kwame deserves it as much as me. But he was born in Ghana.

Lord, you do everything for a reason. To teach us certain lessons about life and about each other and how to be grateful for what we have. I am soo grateful for what you have given me, and grow in appreciation each day. Lord, teach me to understand the world's inequity and how you want me to make a difference. My world is so much bigger now. My world IS the world, and the people in it.

It's funny how they view Barack Obama. I have a deeper appreciation for what he means to the international community. He is not just my hope, but everyone's hope.

It is also funny how the 20 year old wants to come to America and be a "nigger." He imitated US rappers and then called them the "badmen" who shoot and kill. I don't want to write an essay on the perception of American blacks, but I had to go there.

Kwame came to visit me this past Friday (a week later), and I know he is a spirit. Sometimes God puts people in my life just to ask a question: "So what does Crystal do when she is hungry? What does Crystal do when she gets angry?" Totally out of the blue this question comes. Something about how he said it makes me really want to examine it deeper....

No matter what points I bring up or reflect about, no matter how much more complicated I get, I also fall in love with the Earth a little bit more.

Fun fun fun

A pic is a 1000 words right?









events:

-Elmina/Cape Coast Trip:

"It's coming" So our guide Yao at Kakum apparently has an amazing ear.....we were hiking back from our AMAZING ADVENTURE in the canopy walk (can't believe I did it!! I only made it cuz i didn't look down and I sang the whole way..."Shigome Shigome....BARACK OBAMA") when all of a sudden he says real quiet, "It's coming." Sounded like some Jumanji scarymovie type shit. And then a minute later comes a downpour of rain....we made a run for the bus. But it felt nice. Esh felt like screaming "It's cominnnnnggg!!!" for the whole run back, lol.

"I want to stay here and ask her to marry me"- one of the guides to Christa....we knew she had come prepared for our trip (stacked with a mile high of condoms)so we left Christa to her buisness...lol sike....I wish someone would've taken that mic away from her though....oh what else? playing hand games (Batman and Robin) and push-each-other-over games while waiting in line.

"Me and Kelsey ignite the bedroom"- Emma. No explanation required.

Had a really nice massage from some healer/massage therapists who happen to be from Jazz's hood, South Jersey. They were cool people....but my neck is kind of hurting this week...hmm/

On the FIVE hour bus trip back from Cape Coast, there were exciting events such as 1) stopping at Shell gas station 2) Marta peeing on the side of the road 3) Sonali buying grasscutter (a fancy term for rat).

Drumming with Godwin has been alot of fun!! Faye and I go every week, hopefully we will have something to share by the end of the semester. Classes are in full swing, I'm working on my two community service projects with the Foundation of Contermporary Art and SENDRAC, and doing alot of reading.

VALENTINE'S DAY WEEKEND:

-Thursday night: Me and T went out to Towala beach with some Crescent people...really chill, fun time....the rastas LOVE Tanesha....with their raspy ass Bob Marley songs, lol "One love, one heart....let's get together and feel alright"
Met up with Kareem later at Celsbridge and his FRIEND who is moving to NY to be at NYU!! How cool, so we gave him advice and then dropped him off at the airport. And then....stopped by Afrodisiac and then....partied it up in the car despite the popo. LOL. GOOD GOOD tiess.

-Friday night: Went out with my girls to celebrate Vday....all single ladies, or at least there were no 'boyfriends' around to shower us with attention. But we had a good time at Rhapsody's at Accra mall, ran into NYU alumni (they running things!! One is a DJ for the Ghanaian urban radio station) who hooked us up in VIP....then we went to Tipzzy tipsy and danced our butts off. Very fun. Thanks Kobe for the good time.

-Saturday, Val's day: Convinced T to take a trek wit me to Tema, an hour and half tro tro experience but we met up with Marcia!! And her mom and she made jollof rice and other goodness and we talked about America/African economics, watched a Ghanaian movie called Princess Tyra. LOL. Ghanaian actors=ridiculousness. But it was fun, we got back around 7 and then watched Coming to America with the crew....then Esh and I went out with Kareem to The Office. Robocop/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Dude was really trying to holla so we left....got Eppo's chicken (where I did NOT embarass myself unlike last time), then I chilled and ate with Justice in the security office.

-Sunday: Went to Crescent for a cooking class with Debby!!! What fun...we made kelewele and waakye and mango smoothie....and ate some of Chris' cabbage stew and yam. Cooking in big groups is great. Talking about the roaches in the boys' house, not so much.

All in all, a great weekend.

Goodbye, Elmina

Elmina....what can I say. This was a day of intense vibration where the past met the present.....I heard screams, I saw women in chains, I felt the pain that has traveled down my female ancestors through my mothers stomach to me , I smelled the stench of vomit and blood and daeth.....it is impossible to ignore. The castle vividly transported me back in time, and tears sprung in my eyes in wonder. Horror. I wish for every women and every man to see this place. It is important. Slavery is a tragedy of the human condition, as bad as any other massacres and holocasts in history. We can not forget our history. It was so touching that the tour guide Yao, led us in a minute of silence, and then om saying, "Never again." It heals my heart just a little bit to feel the respect that this event deserves. I also respect Christa for giving us all the time to contemplate and process this experience.

What is crazy is that the beach of Elmina is gorgeous. So beautiful...the Coconut Grove resort where we stayed was incredible. We had such an extreme weekend, moving from deep remembrance and respect to so much fun and good times on the beach and at Kakum National Park.

I thank God for letting me realize how truly blessed I am. It is hitting me more and more that the condition of the Transatlantic Slave Trade is specific to people of the African Diaspora, moreso than any other ethnicity or Africans themselves. Many Africans have the "Walk of Forgetting," where they place slavery in the past and have decided to forget past ones and forge a new future. I believe in forgiving, but never forgetting. And this experience is certainly one that I will never forget.